Reflection

Well being good friday and public holiday not to say Im on holiday from parenting...but gives me time to reflect where I was a year ago

This time last year well end of April but at Easter we always go away with the family all 15 of us...however this years trip has been postponed until September holidays due to us having our little baby..

However. it gives me time to reflect a year ago where my head was at and where I was in life...

I was a year ago currently on zolodex causing temporary menopause = hot flushes and mood swings and recovering from my last laparascopy and removal of right tube and anticipating the commencement of IVF in May

Yes to think a year ago...our little girl was a star in the sky and purely a wish...

To think of all the emotions we went through to get our little miracle..it was not easy and right now I  think about how painful that journey was..but what kept me going was HOPE..HOPE that the cycle would work.. because thats all I had


The isolation as a couple we felt as friends continued to announce their pregnancies, birth and second pregnancies and here we sit awaiting ...awaiting for our miracle..

I kept myself busy working...excercising and ensuring I do the things I love...holidays and right before our cycle we had our last real holiday....

So to think we have come so far is a miracle...and we are so blessed to have our little girl but I dont know what I would feel like and be if that cycle didnt work..and where my head would be at now...

A friend whose child is having their first birthday party in a couple of weeks and we are getting an invite...well our little girl did but to think if we did not have her we would not be invited and the isolation from your friends kids parties would continue...I will never forget that pain of getting left behind...and will never make anyone else who has no kids feel the same as they too could be on the same journey path we had to undertake for children

and we better start planning a holiday with our little girl in 6 months time as being a parent is one of the hardest jobs ever...it was so much easier working, studying but I would never trade it for anything....

My birth story and afterwards

Hi my fellow bloggers...I know its been a while in between posts but after being in hospital prior to having my baby and whilst recovering with baby..all up I was away from home for 12 days and have begun life settling in at home with my new addition..Scarlett

Motherhood is such an amazing feeling and I knew it would be overwhelming but how much was definatley unknown...Being a mum came natural to me and I think all those years of pondering and watching rest of my friends and family grow their families whilst I struggled with conceiving made the desire and want of motherhood more..and more time to think how I want to be as a mum..

Please have a read of my birth story in detail if you like...such a surreal experience...

Baby Scarlett is going fine and putting on weight..breast feeding came easily in beginning to us as Scarlett attached quite easily and my milk came in Day 3..now its establishing a demand feeding schedule after treating a blocked milk duct...my scarlett is quite a sleepy baby and sometimes have to wake her to feed her so I am attempting after being told to feed 4 hourly in hospital to 3 hourly at home during the day as we have had periods of unsettlement which she must be hungry and I want to ensure i keep up my milk supply as I really want breast feeding to work and this is one thing that as a mum I want to endure as long as I can so I will do what ever it takes

I have lots of support from my sisters who breast fed as well as the Australian Breast feeding Association so I know i am not alone and can call on the ABA 24 hours if necessary...

who thought there was so much to know about breast feeding.....and being a control freak and organiser as I am I hate not knowing when she will feed next and I need to go with the flow...takes a lot of your time to establish breast feeding and to demand feed but hey I am blessed to have this baby and if I want to make it work I am willing to sacrifice anything as long as I keep my sanity!

Here is a sneak peek of a photography shoot I had of my baby....

37 weeks 6 days ....Its so close

It has been while in between posts and thought I should write a blog update prior to my possible admission into hospital later today...

Im not having the baby yet but my OB wants me under supervision due to position of my baby...its in transverse lieing across my uterus facing downwards...it was head down at 34 weeks but turned back at 36 weeks to transverse...we believe its the fibroid thats stopping baby wanting to engage but the fibroid is ony 5 cm

My OB said if I go into labour now and position of baby's feet over cervix and where chord is...we could lose the baby so that is reason why....its great to know I am in the best of hands but now instead of packing one suitcase for after having baby...I am now packing one for hospital stay before...

I was overwhelmed with possibility and still am of a cesar but whatever is best option for baby and me I trust in the process...

I felt ripped off at first at the feeling that I may not experience real labour but it does not mean I am any less of a woman or mother....whichever it is meant to be I will follow..

I have had braxton hick contractions from as early as 28 weeks anyways so at least I have had an insight into what they feel like..

I had placed too much pressure on myself after reading all these books on natural birth vaginally and was so focused on having it vaginally...I deleted the thought of cesar from my mind...after the whole IVF process...I just wanted to experience as such a NORMAL birth but after some discussion with my beautiful mum and others...it is still a normal birth whether vaginally or cesar...if we didnt have choice of cesars many people would be childless so thank god for medical science once again

So am excited that I will hopefully meet our bundle of joy within next week pending if baby turns but if not...my OB will do a Cesar as he does not want to risk the loss of my baby...

I am now at stage I dont care too much how I get to hold my baby..I just want it and to be able to enjoy all those wonderful moments of newborn....

So thats my quick update for now...and yes I have been nesting really bad even hubby has...our house hasnt been cleaner lol...but all that matters is the love we have for each other and our baby ...

A book give away - please share around

Hi Guys

I know its been a while in between posts but finding it hard to write a specific blog with  not long to now and so many minor issues leading up to birth but I promise I will do one before baby comes

However, this blog is about a book give away that one of my dear infertility followers won in Canada who upon receiving this book ended up being pregnant Songcather Siren at
 http://myjourneytowellness1.blogspot.com.au/

,....this exactly happened to me as well from Athena from Field of Dreams whom I won this book from and upon receiving it I had the news of my successful IVF pregnancy...

so here it is to keep this legacy and book full of baby dust to spread around the world...

Please visit the above blog address to enter the competition and spread the baby dust around

Happy Baby Shower to me!!!!

Hello my fellow bloggers...

Again I apologise for the long in between posts...life is a little chaotic at the moment and of course spare time is rare, however its going to be a lot harder to find when Baby arrives (but oh so worth it)

So you may find me posting this at 4am in the morning..yes the middle of night wake up calls when my body clock is preparing me for night feeds when baby arrives

At the moment Im juggling finishing off my last final jobs for clients for my business, have been busy attending to assisting in finalisation and attending my own baby shower, preparing for a family party dinner for my hubbys 40th in the next week and in between all the other birthdays we have in our family in Dec - February...eeek crazy but love it but oh so worth it and Im more then likely going to add another birthday to the mix in February ..and also doing my final preparations for arrival of Baby ie car seat install, pram pick up, my labour and birth overnight bag to pack

But I really want this post to be about my baby shower...you know the event all of us women who have suffered infertility struggle to attend everyone else's baby shower when we wishing it could be ours....well my time finally arrived..

I was so god dam excited about having my own baby shower I could not help but want to have a large input into the day...I mean I have had a loong time to think about my baby shower during the years of trying to conceive and attending many others in between...

I bought an online catering voucher for finger food for 40 people last year ...for nothing specific at the time bought but decided to use it for this day...

I wanted to have baby shower 6-8 weeks prior to due date however 8 weeks was just on Christmas break so just under 7 weeks to go I held it...I had it on Sunday 8th January and over invited people as hubby and I both have big families and large circle of friends but I thought I better over invite being holidays and all not everyone will be around....

Well after 45 invites sent out (eek I know I freak every time I read that number), 36 people rsvp Yes...then on the day 32 turned up....so phew it was perfect number of people....

I themed the event...had purchased a lot of the decorations on line...I went with baby pastels favouring blues and pinks...my gorgeous best friend wanted to make my cake...and I wanted a surprise so I let her do whatever she wanted...and boy was I surprised and overwhelmed by it...from a one day cake course she excelled in cake making side of things and even included gluten free cup cakes so I could eat them...I never seen anything like this cake before...

Here are some pics..take note...the beautiful Anne Geddes baby made out of icing in the flower...lurv it!!!

Check out all the individually made decorations on cup cakes by my dear friend...

Here are the thank you chocolate moulds I made which I paid someone to place them in boxes as decorations for the table..the moulds are baby booties and baby rattle...but I made the chocolates from moulds of course!!

  

 and of course the room decorations...

and my dearest mother helped in organising games for the day...we even colour themed the prizes for give aways tealight candles x 3 in blue, pink and white and body soaps in white and lemon..

we played games from babys the word (where you cant say baby or if you hear someone say it you steal other person dummy. the person with most dummies wins....I bought online these cute hard little plastic dummies on strings in blue and pink colours) , question game about how well you  know Emma, the string game where people had to try to guess how big I was by measuring via string around belly and the giving birth game...This was a crack up

The giving birth game:- I had name tags for everyone and had 3 variety of pictures on tags ie dummy, nappy and rattles so we could easily group people for this giving birth game into teams...it was race between teams to blow up a balloon,,shove it up your shirt one person at a time in team then when all are pregnant..all had to try to pop balloon and first team to pop all balloons wins...it was soo funny!!

All my beautiful family, mum, sisters and sister in law, mother in law helped with dessert by making something as catering voucher was only for hot food...dessert was a hit too with everyone (wont bore you with the pics) except for these exceptional chocolate dipped strawberries ... Note Baby G stands for first initial of our surname...its not G for Girl lol...

and about the presents...well whoah...Baby G was definately spoilt...only a couple of double ups but plenty of bond suits and singlets for baby as well, muslin wraps, washers, toys, books, baby care and some special crystals to help with birth and labour etc

and to not forget the box full of washed second hand clothes from my sister who is trying to conceive her second child (her first is nearly 10) but she detached from a lot of the clothes and has given them to me...that really made my day...I know it would have been hard for her and to give them to me...meant so much

so overall my baby shower was the most amazing and wonderful experience...to have all the people who care to attend in celebrating this event ...especially when Im one of the last to have a baby...

It took me 2 days to recover afterwards but I loved every minute of it...I did do a short speech during cake cutting...I was going to prepare for it but hubby said dont worry.... I wish I did because I got a little nervous when I got up there even though I love talking... as obviously there is a huge emotion behind this pregnancy...I did hold my speech together until my mum chose the most perfect words with out revealing to everyone in the room our difficult journey in detail.."This is a special pregnancy for Emma and Im so proud of her...she will make a beautiful mum"..and I burst into tears and just hugged her...

My baby shower was like my kitchen tea/wedding day revisited ...lots of people to mingle with but make sure you take time to soak up the moment...I did..well being fully pregnant helps as you have to sit down often lol...it was a special day with special people...and wouldnt have changed it...

and by the way I only have 6 weeks to go...

I have finished my nursery but will post pics another time...I think its time for me to go back to bed now and get some more sleep

A very preggy christmas and to a wonderful new year

With christmas now behind us and with the new year so so close now...what will your new year resolutions be?

I havent really thought about it until know...Christmas and my baby shower and all the list of things I need to get done before baby arrives have been my main priority..

I worked madly up until 22nd December then spent 23rd shopping for food and 24th cooking away....

This year I think I win on the front that my belly was bigger then Santas

It was pretty awesome christmas this year where every year in the past when I wanted to be pregnant and wasnt...Christmas time of year was one of the hardest...yes I still remember those days all those preggy ladies with christmas presents to come and admiring their bellies wishing it was me...well now its my turn..Im actually the one getting all the attention...well my belly is and I do love it...but never forget...

I cant wait to be able to play the role of Santa and put out food for Santa and his reindeers...to put up a stocking for our child and presents under the tree...

I am now 32 weeks and new year approaching and I can see the home run...so back to new year resolutions what are yours?

Well to think about it now here are mine:-

1. To have a safe and healthy delivery of our child

2. To not become overwhelmed with all the new changes ahead for us ...parenthood..relax and you will find the answer

3. To ensure at some point in time next year we do have a family holiday even if short and sweet...just some time for us...

4. To continue with our planning/design/construction of our outdoor entertaining area...yes it took us a whole year to try to get a design searching for a builder who will not rip us off...but no luck...we got a bit preoccupied in 2011 and put it in the too hard basket and focused on doing things inside house preparing for baby

5. To ensure our big annual family holiday still goes ahead but postpone it until Sept/Oct School Holidays/Public Holiday..couldnt imagine trying to go away with a 6 week old at Easter


So thats all I can think of for now at this oddly time of 430am in the morning...yes pregnancy insomnia...

I am also praying my fibroid in uterus lifts so baby head becomes engaged as it appears it is blocking baby turning in position...there is still time of course but it would be nice if it wasnt left until last minute lol...but whatever will be will be...I am in excellent hands and my obstetrician will do whats best at the time

So to all my fellow bloggers...wishing you all blessings for the new year to come and hoping for more BFPS for those still on AC path and safe and healthy pregnancies for those who finally got their miracle..

Another milestone ..30 weeks tomorrow

Hello to all my fellow blogger friends...
I cannot believe that tomorrow I will be officially 30 weeks with only 10 to go...Wow...
to even think I have made it this far is amazing and I feel so blessed... I am now on fortnightly visits with my obstetrician and have reconfirmation that he will now be here again not away on holidays when baby is due...another relief With a possible small complication giving birth with my fibroid as long as baby turns and it moves out of way...
so I am praying and asking for this to happen..Im so happy my obstetrician will be here to help... Im still busily finalising all my work before christmas, organising present buying for January and February birthdays so I am not running around when I am due as well as organising hubbys 40th and doing some things for my baby shower which is on 8th January so its a very busy beginning start to the year ...and this is all after christmas celebrations I love feeling baby move all the time now...its great but havent managed to capture on video yet as baby always stops when I grab my phone to record... It loves kicking me in the V area and bladder as thats where its feet are....
which sometimes I get startled shock...but I love feeling baby move as its reassurance all is good I have put on nearly 20kg but its all in my belly and boobs...however....do I dare to bare my stomach...I think I can and deserve to show you it..skin and all lol..and sorry about the bra shot..but considering the size of my bra its covering everything up ok

Cant wait until we put the nursery together...got all the furniture delivered today...felt so surreal that this furniture is going to be for a baby that I am going to have that will sleep in it...its all coming together... I took my mum to my ob appointment Monday so she got a peak at baby very quickly on the ultrasound (my ob has a machine in his room so every visit he checks my baby out) Baby is in breech but its ok he said there is still time obviously but baby face is facing down with spine at the top under my ribs and feet down so maybe its in the process of turning..ooh I hope so

and I would like to acknowledge Chon from My path to insanity & beyond and Haidee from maybe baby or the loony bin? who have both acknowledged that for us infertiles it is ok for us who have struggled with terms of falling pregnant that not every moment we have to appear to be the perfect pregnant mother to be and perfect mother when baby arrives because we wanted this so much..nothing is perfect and its ok for us to complain or have a hard time....because yes there are times when people ask how I am I dont want to complain because I have wanted this so much and I always say the positive outweigh negative and the highs exceed the lows but to not feel guilty when people ask how you are? and I finally finished my first jacket/cardigan for baby too which I will have to post a picture sooon!!!