Reflection

Well being good friday and public holiday not to say Im on holiday from parenting...but gives me time to reflect where I was a year ago

This time last year well end of April but at Easter we always go away with the family all 15 of us...however this years trip has been postponed until September holidays due to us having our little baby..

However. it gives me time to reflect a year ago where my head was at and where I was in life...

I was a year ago currently on zolodex causing temporary menopause = hot flushes and mood swings and recovering from my last laparascopy and removal of right tube and anticipating the commencement of IVF in May

Yes to think a year ago...our little girl was a star in the sky and purely a wish...

To think of all the emotions we went through to get our little miracle..it was not easy and right now I  think about how painful that journey was..but what kept me going was HOPE..HOPE that the cycle would work.. because thats all I had


The isolation as a couple we felt as friends continued to announce their pregnancies, birth and second pregnancies and here we sit awaiting ...awaiting for our miracle..

I kept myself busy working...excercising and ensuring I do the things I love...holidays and right before our cycle we had our last real holiday....

So to think we have come so far is a miracle...and we are so blessed to have our little girl but I dont know what I would feel like and be if that cycle didnt work..and where my head would be at now...

A friend whose child is having their first birthday party in a couple of weeks and we are getting an invite...well our little girl did but to think if we did not have her we would not be invited and the isolation from your friends kids parties would continue...I will never forget that pain of getting left behind...and will never make anyone else who has no kids feel the same as they too could be on the same journey path we had to undertake for children

and we better start planning a holiday with our little girl in 6 months time as being a parent is one of the hardest jobs ever...it was so much easier working, studying but I would never trade it for anything....

My birth story and afterwards

Hi my fellow bloggers...I know its been a while in between posts but after being in hospital prior to having my baby and whilst recovering with baby..all up I was away from home for 12 days and have begun life settling in at home with my new addition..Scarlett

Motherhood is such an amazing feeling and I knew it would be overwhelming but how much was definatley unknown...Being a mum came natural to me and I think all those years of pondering and watching rest of my friends and family grow their families whilst I struggled with conceiving made the desire and want of motherhood more..and more time to think how I want to be as a mum..

Please have a read of my birth story in detail if you like...such a surreal experience...

Baby Scarlett is going fine and putting on weight..breast feeding came easily in beginning to us as Scarlett attached quite easily and my milk came in Day 3..now its establishing a demand feeding schedule after treating a blocked milk duct...my scarlett is quite a sleepy baby and sometimes have to wake her to feed her so I am attempting after being told to feed 4 hourly in hospital to 3 hourly at home during the day as we have had periods of unsettlement which she must be hungry and I want to ensure i keep up my milk supply as I really want breast feeding to work and this is one thing that as a mum I want to endure as long as I can so I will do what ever it takes

I have lots of support from my sisters who breast fed as well as the Australian Breast feeding Association so I know i am not alone and can call on the ABA 24 hours if necessary...

who thought there was so much to know about breast feeding.....and being a control freak and organiser as I am I hate not knowing when she will feed next and I need to go with the flow...takes a lot of your time to establish breast feeding and to demand feed but hey I am blessed to have this baby and if I want to make it work I am willing to sacrifice anything as long as I keep my sanity!

Here is a sneak peek of a photography shoot I had of my baby....

37 weeks 6 days ....Its so close

It has been while in between posts and thought I should write a blog update prior to my possible admission into hospital later today...

Im not having the baby yet but my OB wants me under supervision due to position of my baby...its in transverse lieing across my uterus facing downwards...it was head down at 34 weeks but turned back at 36 weeks to transverse...we believe its the fibroid thats stopping baby wanting to engage but the fibroid is ony 5 cm

My OB said if I go into labour now and position of baby's feet over cervix and where chord is...we could lose the baby so that is reason why....its great to know I am in the best of hands but now instead of packing one suitcase for after having baby...I am now packing one for hospital stay before...

I was overwhelmed with possibility and still am of a cesar but whatever is best option for baby and me I trust in the process...

I felt ripped off at first at the feeling that I may not experience real labour but it does not mean I am any less of a woman or mother....whichever it is meant to be I will follow..

I have had braxton hick contractions from as early as 28 weeks anyways so at least I have had an insight into what they feel like..

I had placed too much pressure on myself after reading all these books on natural birth vaginally and was so focused on having it vaginally...I deleted the thought of cesar from my mind...after the whole IVF process...I just wanted to experience as such a NORMAL birth but after some discussion with my beautiful mum and others...it is still a normal birth whether vaginally or cesar...if we didnt have choice of cesars many people would be childless so thank god for medical science once again

So am excited that I will hopefully meet our bundle of joy within next week pending if baby turns but if not...my OB will do a Cesar as he does not want to risk the loss of my baby...

I am now at stage I dont care too much how I get to hold my baby..I just want it and to be able to enjoy all those wonderful moments of newborn....

So thats my quick update for now...and yes I have been nesting really bad even hubby has...our house hasnt been cleaner lol...but all that matters is the love we have for each other and our baby ...

A book give away - please share around

Hi Guys

I know its been a while in between posts but finding it hard to write a specific blog with  not long to now and so many minor issues leading up to birth but I promise I will do one before baby comes

However, this blog is about a book give away that one of my dear infertility followers won in Canada who upon receiving this book ended up being pregnant Songcather Siren at
 http://myjourneytowellness1.blogspot.com.au/

,....this exactly happened to me as well from Athena from Field of Dreams whom I won this book from and upon receiving it I had the news of my successful IVF pregnancy...

so here it is to keep this legacy and book full of baby dust to spread around the world...

Please visit the above blog address to enter the competition and spread the baby dust around

Happy Baby Shower to me!!!!

Hello my fellow bloggers...

Again I apologise for the long in between posts...life is a little chaotic at the moment and of course spare time is rare, however its going to be a lot harder to find when Baby arrives (but oh so worth it)

So you may find me posting this at 4am in the morning..yes the middle of night wake up calls when my body clock is preparing me for night feeds when baby arrives

At the moment Im juggling finishing off my last final jobs for clients for my business, have been busy attending to assisting in finalisation and attending my own baby shower, preparing for a family party dinner for my hubbys 40th in the next week and in between all the other birthdays we have in our family in Dec - February...eeek crazy but love it but oh so worth it and Im more then likely going to add another birthday to the mix in February ..and also doing my final preparations for arrival of Baby ie car seat install, pram pick up, my labour and birth overnight bag to pack

But I really want this post to be about my baby shower...you know the event all of us women who have suffered infertility struggle to attend everyone else's baby shower when we wishing it could be ours....well my time finally arrived..

I was so god dam excited about having my own baby shower I could not help but want to have a large input into the day...I mean I have had a loong time to think about my baby shower during the years of trying to conceive and attending many others in between...

I bought an online catering voucher for finger food for 40 people last year ...for nothing specific at the time bought but decided to use it for this day...

I wanted to have baby shower 6-8 weeks prior to due date however 8 weeks was just on Christmas break so just under 7 weeks to go I held it...I had it on Sunday 8th January and over invited people as hubby and I both have big families and large circle of friends but I thought I better over invite being holidays and all not everyone will be around....

Well after 45 invites sent out (eek I know I freak every time I read that number), 36 people rsvp Yes...then on the day 32 turned up....so phew it was perfect number of people....

I themed the event...had purchased a lot of the decorations on line...I went with baby pastels favouring blues and pinks...my gorgeous best friend wanted to make my cake...and I wanted a surprise so I let her do whatever she wanted...and boy was I surprised and overwhelmed by it...from a one day cake course she excelled in cake making side of things and even included gluten free cup cakes so I could eat them...I never seen anything like this cake before...

Here are some pics..take note...the beautiful Anne Geddes baby made out of icing in the flower...lurv it!!!

Check out all the individually made decorations on cup cakes by my dear friend...

Here are the thank you chocolate moulds I made which I paid someone to place them in boxes as decorations for the table..the moulds are baby booties and baby rattle...but I made the chocolates from moulds of course!!

  

 and of course the room decorations...

and my dearest mother helped in organising games for the day...we even colour themed the prizes for give aways tealight candles x 3 in blue, pink and white and body soaps in white and lemon..

we played games from babys the word (where you cant say baby or if you hear someone say it you steal other person dummy. the person with most dummies wins....I bought online these cute hard little plastic dummies on strings in blue and pink colours) , question game about how well you  know Emma, the string game where people had to try to guess how big I was by measuring via string around belly and the giving birth game...This was a crack up

The giving birth game:- I had name tags for everyone and had 3 variety of pictures on tags ie dummy, nappy and rattles so we could easily group people for this giving birth game into teams...it was race between teams to blow up a balloon,,shove it up your shirt one person at a time in team then when all are pregnant..all had to try to pop balloon and first team to pop all balloons wins...it was soo funny!!

All my beautiful family, mum, sisters and sister in law, mother in law helped with dessert by making something as catering voucher was only for hot food...dessert was a hit too with everyone (wont bore you with the pics) except for these exceptional chocolate dipped strawberries ... Note Baby G stands for first initial of our surname...its not G for Girl lol...

and about the presents...well whoah...Baby G was definately spoilt...only a couple of double ups but plenty of bond suits and singlets for baby as well, muslin wraps, washers, toys, books, baby care and some special crystals to help with birth and labour etc

and to not forget the box full of washed second hand clothes from my sister who is trying to conceive her second child (her first is nearly 10) but she detached from a lot of the clothes and has given them to me...that really made my day...I know it would have been hard for her and to give them to me...meant so much

so overall my baby shower was the most amazing and wonderful experience...to have all the people who care to attend in celebrating this event ...especially when Im one of the last to have a baby...

It took me 2 days to recover afterwards but I loved every minute of it...I did do a short speech during cake cutting...I was going to prepare for it but hubby said dont worry.... I wish I did because I got a little nervous when I got up there even though I love talking... as obviously there is a huge emotion behind this pregnancy...I did hold my speech together until my mum chose the most perfect words with out revealing to everyone in the room our difficult journey in detail.."This is a special pregnancy for Emma and Im so proud of her...she will make a beautiful mum"..and I burst into tears and just hugged her...

My baby shower was like my kitchen tea/wedding day revisited ...lots of people to mingle with but make sure you take time to soak up the moment...I did..well being fully pregnant helps as you have to sit down often lol...it was a special day with special people...and wouldnt have changed it...

and by the way I only have 6 weeks to go...

I have finished my nursery but will post pics another time...I think its time for me to go back to bed now and get some more sleep

A very preggy christmas and to a wonderful new year

With christmas now behind us and with the new year so so close now...what will your new year resolutions be?

I havent really thought about it until know...Christmas and my baby shower and all the list of things I need to get done before baby arrives have been my main priority..

I worked madly up until 22nd December then spent 23rd shopping for food and 24th cooking away....

This year I think I win on the front that my belly was bigger then Santas

It was pretty awesome christmas this year where every year in the past when I wanted to be pregnant and wasnt...Christmas time of year was one of the hardest...yes I still remember those days all those preggy ladies with christmas presents to come and admiring their bellies wishing it was me...well now its my turn..Im actually the one getting all the attention...well my belly is and I do love it...but never forget...

I cant wait to be able to play the role of Santa and put out food for Santa and his reindeers...to put up a stocking for our child and presents under the tree...

I am now 32 weeks and new year approaching and I can see the home run...so back to new year resolutions what are yours?

Well to think about it now here are mine:-

1. To have a safe and healthy delivery of our child

2. To not become overwhelmed with all the new changes ahead for us ...parenthood..relax and you will find the answer

3. To ensure at some point in time next year we do have a family holiday even if short and sweet...just some time for us...

4. To continue with our planning/design/construction of our outdoor entertaining area...yes it took us a whole year to try to get a design searching for a builder who will not rip us off...but no luck...we got a bit preoccupied in 2011 and put it in the too hard basket and focused on doing things inside house preparing for baby

5. To ensure our big annual family holiday still goes ahead but postpone it until Sept/Oct School Holidays/Public Holiday..couldnt imagine trying to go away with a 6 week old at Easter


So thats all I can think of for now at this oddly time of 430am in the morning...yes pregnancy insomnia...

I am also praying my fibroid in uterus lifts so baby head becomes engaged as it appears it is blocking baby turning in position...there is still time of course but it would be nice if it wasnt left until last minute lol...but whatever will be will be...I am in excellent hands and my obstetrician will do whats best at the time

So to all my fellow bloggers...wishing you all blessings for the new year to come and hoping for more BFPS for those still on AC path and safe and healthy pregnancies for those who finally got their miracle..

Another milestone ..30 weeks tomorrow

Hello to all my fellow blogger friends...
I cannot believe that tomorrow I will be officially 30 weeks with only 10 to go...Wow...
to even think I have made it this far is amazing and I feel so blessed... I am now on fortnightly visits with my obstetrician and have reconfirmation that he will now be here again not away on holidays when baby is due...another relief With a possible small complication giving birth with my fibroid as long as baby turns and it moves out of way...
so I am praying and asking for this to happen..Im so happy my obstetrician will be here to help... Im still busily finalising all my work before christmas, organising present buying for January and February birthdays so I am not running around when I am due as well as organising hubbys 40th and doing some things for my baby shower which is on 8th January so its a very busy beginning start to the year ...and this is all after christmas celebrations I love feeling baby move all the time now...its great but havent managed to capture on video yet as baby always stops when I grab my phone to record... It loves kicking me in the V area and bladder as thats where its feet are....
which sometimes I get startled shock...but I love feeling baby move as its reassurance all is good I have put on nearly 20kg but its all in my belly and boobs...however....do I dare to bare my stomach...I think I can and deserve to show you it..skin and all lol..and sorry about the bra shot..but considering the size of my bra its covering everything up ok

Cant wait until we put the nursery together...got all the furniture delivered today...felt so surreal that this furniture is going to be for a baby that I am going to have that will sleep in it...its all coming together... I took my mum to my ob appointment Monday so she got a peak at baby very quickly on the ultrasound (my ob has a machine in his room so every visit he checks my baby out) Baby is in breech but its ok he said there is still time obviously but baby face is facing down with spine at the top under my ribs and feet down so maybe its in the process of turning..ooh I hope so

and I would like to acknowledge Chon from My path to insanity & beyond and Haidee from maybe baby or the loony bin? who have both acknowledged that for us infertiles it is ok for us who have struggled with terms of falling pregnant that not every moment we have to appear to be the perfect pregnant mother to be and perfect mother when baby arrives because we wanted this so much..nothing is perfect and its ok for us to complain or have a hard time....because yes there are times when people ask how I am I dont want to complain because I have wanted this so much and I always say the positive outweigh negative and the highs exceed the lows but to not feel guilty when people ask how you are? and I finally finished my first jacket/cardigan for baby too which I will have to post a picture sooon!!!

Happy 33rd Bday to Mummy to be

Hello fellow blogging friends It seems like its been a while in between posts but maybe it hasnt..just so much happening in between I just wanted to share with you it was my 33rd Bday on Sunday...and I finally got to celebrate it being a mummy to be...and I actually got to celebrate my birthday being pregnant...nothing could be more special then this day on my bday. Here is a photo taken on my birthday night with this marvellous sunset....and I wore a matching colour dress (random)

I had an amazing weekend actually celebrating my bday with Saturday dedicated to hubby and I....we enjoyed a lunch together at my favourite location and cafe...then I had home cooked dinner made by hubby with my favourite food....spaghetti carbonara (with gluten free pasta)....yummo!!! Then Sunday I had a friends baby shower for lunch ...surprised by my favourite flowers when I arrived home courtesy of hubby...yes oriental lillies I had them in my wedding bouquet and still to this day I can always have oriental lillies the fragrance just fills the home beautifully

I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and to be surrounded by wonderful family on my birthday...we always celebrate our families birthdays on my side with a dinner etc...and I really did enjoy it Im nearly 27 weeks so few days off Trimester 3 and entering my 7 month I cant believe it...that means Im entering home run phase...Im excited but at same time dont want the pregnancy to end...I love being pregnant and as us infertile women understand I feel I appreciate every little significant moment of this pregnancy Like watching my belly bounce around when baby is kicking...embracing my larger breasts growing 2 cup sizes but in fact I would not like them all the time this size as they are heavy and hurt lol...love being able to touch my belly and rub it...not purposely in front of people but I do it in my own time and space... and in relation to my poor furry girl's recovery...her stitches came out today...two week ssince operation...cone still required on head for another week...she smells and is in need of bath but this is off limits for another week...and she is totally depressed with having to keep the cone on... in desperation of 35 degrees celsius and above temperature..we had to remove it but watch her as the poor dog was hyper ventilating... Im feeling so blessed at the moment...and hope I continue to love this journey and share with you Over and out for now xx

25 weeks and nursing already?

Today I am feeling emotionally and physically drained...and I have reached 25 weeks today!! For those who dont know my poor baby furry girl who is now 4 had a major operation on Tuesday ie TPLO like a knee replacement but a piece of metal plate joining two parts of her leg together in replacement of knee muscles...poor darling obviously had torn it a while ago and now has severe arthritis but dogs have high tolerance for pain so its not until its gotten really bad that something major has been done Dont get me wrong I had my vet constantly looking at it every visit as I thought she favoured this leg but vet thought nothing of it and we tried different things prior to doing the xray then xray showed it all Anyways I have a nasal infection and sore throat which has reduced my energy levels, plus heat plus needing to let my dog out of her play pen every 2hours for a wee and trying to work from home and get everything done before christmas...Im exhausted She did not eat this morning so I will be on constant watch today as I need her to eat so she can have her medication and Labradors LOVE their food and never leave anything behind so I am concerned Send me blessings that all will be ok PS THe play pen in the picture is new yes and I am going to use it for baby when they are big enough to crawl around and get into things ..dont worry I will disinfect it all prior to baby using it but at least I get two uses out of it lol

Protective instinct already

Hi my fellow blogging friends Sorry its been a while in between post...was not sure exactly what to post and have been dealing with many things work and personal whilst preparing for this baby to arrive... I cant believe my protective mother instinct which obviously kicked in as soon as I found out I was pregnant but now with a pregnant belly to show Im even worse......I even walk around holding my belly from unexpected people possibly running into me... This beautiful baby is not even born yet and I am already guarding it with my life... I feel like this penguin in this picture....

I am now 24 weeks and 4 days and less then one month and I am in trimester 3 can you believe that? It still feels surreal and that worrying if baby is ok does not go away...If i dont feel baby move for a while I start to query is baby ok in there? is your heart still beating then I get these reassuring kicks and when in doubt drink a really cold drink and sit still and you will be sure to feel it.... I even shook my belly around today to get baby to move so I knew things were ok...Hubby said dont be so mean to baby you dont like being woken up in your sleep lol well that is definatley true...I dont know how I will cope on lack of sleep as I am grumpy as hell.... I am still getting my mid morning wake up calls and am wide awake and unable to sleep so I go do some things, work from office or crochet for about an hour then Im tired again and off I go back to bed.... I will have to share with you my crocheting efforts...for my baby of course.... I already have made two gifts for two friends of mine for their babies born recently ...and one is for a dear friend overseas who has suffered immensely with infertility and loss of babies in the past and now has a premature baby born approx 10 weeks early who mind you is doing well considering being born early.... Here is one of the hats and booties I made for a 3 month old for my baby to be....

and the gift I made for my dear friend overseas....

I am enjoying all the attention a pregnant lady gets and embracing it all even the negative comments of "your so big,,sure your not having twins" Yep Im definately sure and "Id hate to have a summer baby winter so much better" well Im due end of Feb end of summer so baby is really only get a taste of it...its me being pregnant that will have to put up with stifling heat and anyways thats small sacrifice for huge gain. Id rather baby born in end of summer autumn then winter as all those colds and flus going around just something else to worry about...but it is what it is and I cant change it but people still have to comment ... I am still suffering from reflux and heart burn but hey small sacrifice for large gain but paddle pop ice creams rainbow flavour at night are my favourite to help settle my tummy... I am loving my pregnancy pilates and body pillow all helping with my hips maintaining their alignment... So I will do attempt my baby shower registry this week so I can then organise my invites for my baby shower...yes I have lots of family and best friend offered to help but I actually enjoy the organising part of it and at least I get what I want re baby shower decorations etc they came in post today as I ordered online.... and on the sideline my baby furry girl Jasper goes in for her major operation tomorrow her TPLO which is like knee reconstruction but piece of metal put in her leg...I know she is in best of hands as one of two surgeons in southern hemisphere perform these operations will be doing it and thats all they do...but Im still worried for her...I will send her good thoughts and blessings and will try not to cry when I drop her off ....Im a sook at best of times and with pregnancy hormones in place Im even worse!!!

22 weeks ....can it really be?

Every day and every week and every milestone of this pregnancy is so memorable...I appreciate every minute and every second of it no matter the highs and lows...I love being pregnant and as us infertily women know how difficult it is to get to this part of being pregnant...how could you not appreciate and thank the universe and god (as however we all see him) for giving me this gift... Im an emotional personal when not pregnant but being pregnant oh boy does it make you even more sensitive....I can cry at the drop of a pin..then laugh 5 minutes later... I love that I now can feel my baby live inside me with its beautiful kicking and punching...and even hubby has had a chance to feel...its those little things that remind me everything is ok I have one of the most adorable nephews who is 9 years old and who wants to follow my pregnancy week by week...he is an only child ( but in between I am wishing for him and praying he gets a brother/sister)..I have to email/sms him to tell him what size of fruit is baby this week? how adorable is that? He even tells his friends and neighbours that he is so excited about me having this child...He is one special boy not that my other nephews and niece are not...but he has a special gift (a grown man living inside a child's body I say).. Its having people like that around you when your pregnant that appreciate your pregnancy as much as you do that make it that so much more special PS in between, facebook announcement went well..I feel good now that it is out ..there were still some people who I thought would comment on my photo and picture ie I put a picture of me I posted prior on this blog with 21 down 19 to go written.... UPDATED Today I had a wedding which was a beautiful wedding in fact in beautiful location..however I had to see one of my relatives who is pregnant as same time asme (she is due 11 days before me!!!) for her 5th pregnancy!!!!! and she is only 1 year younger then me...and nothing is wrong with big family but something is wrong when she is not allowed to have in her care any of her children and has a mental disorder from drugs.....so this pregnancy is not a welcomed one... I found it real difficult to face her as I celebrate our pregnancy with my family ....I could see she was jealous but I did not care...I could not be mean but I actually feel sorry for her....that she feels the need to have more kids...and you know what her reason was to keep her company...to me its so much more then that but then we are all different...it was hard to face especially when I wish it was my sister pregnant with me instead of this relative....but thats not the universes plan...and I bless this baby as my relative continued to drink and smoke today whilst pregnant !!! My husband even said you were stand offish to her and I know I was because how can you compare anything in our lives..how can you compare the pain and grief I have had to get this child when it has come so easily to her ..I could not give her the joy that I am having for myself...I did say congratulations because she said it to me and Im not a total bitch but all I can say is our parenting skills will also be nothing to compare I wish her all the best for this pregnany and the safe arrival of her baby and that it endures a fulfilling life because this baby aint gonna have it easy at all.. but the classic was when this relative said to me have you had a boob job? Im like what the F****? Umm its from the pregnancy I have big boobs because Im pregnant like this is your 5th time..should you know that?? Bless her bless her is all I can say....

Can Facebook handle the news?

Thank to you all my supporters and dealing with my momentarily crazy rants... Well push come to shove and a friend had written something on my facebook wall re my belly getting bigger.... and to not offend anyone else who are friends of mine in past from either work or school who do not know the news.... I thought this has to be the opportunity now...I cant keep it hidden.... I cant lie that I dont have any news so I spreaded the word My hubby didnt want me to announce it on facebook as he wanted to keep it private but why cant I celebrate with the world...The timing is perfect I wasnt ready to rush to tell facebook at 12 weeks...facebook didnt deserve to know but I privately sent messages to those close to me of the news....as I felt comfortable at that time...and in between the joy of telling people you know in person is so much better then facebook so I had to allow time for that too... I was overwhelmed with emotions each step of this pregnancy and this pregnancy deserved the respect I wanted for it....the whole world did not have to be plastered the news at 12 weeks....I was not going to be the typical facebook pregnancy announcement..thats not me (not to say any of you who did shouldnt of....this is just how I felt) but with me getting bigger and photos taken couple of weeks ago and passing 20 weeks I think Ive left it long enough...so I did Hope you are all proud of me....Overwhelming of emotions as I did it this morning....as its obviously been a struggle for us..but facebook dont need to know that...all they need to know is Im happy and pregnant and enjoying every day and every moment of it Love to you all

Colour choices for Prams..help

Oh my goodness who would think this post would be about choosing pram colours I finally decided on the pram I love and we only have limited colours to choose from...and I quickly rushed and ordered it the other day (second time viewing) as sale was on and wanted to get it at the great price...however I am now regretting colour choice possibly Here is colour I chose (its called diamond white but more bone/silvery cream colour)...I got this in the bassinnette option too...the only other colour Ilike is the boring conventional black (it also comes in red and purple but I dont like red and hubby doesnt like purple) Possibly thinking leave bassinette in the white colour but change pram seat to black...but am worried about black fading but also concerned about how easy to clean the lighter colour If keeping the lighter colour clean was not an issue I would choose that over the black BUT what do I do?? With this pram I also get a second seat thrown in for free in the package which i wanted to match same colour so possibly black too? Or would it be good to have one in black and one in diamond white so when white gets too dirty swap to black? I know this is most likely the silliest of questions and Im obsessing over pram colour choices but with huge $$ spent on this baby jogger city select I want to make the right purchase/ Any other potential mothers or mothers have an opinion in which choice of colour? UPDATER After not being able to sleep for 2 hours and some more sleep and talking to my dearest mum...I have decided to stick to the colour I love...have read from other forums ladies with same colour and said its easy to wash and you can use seat liners if you ahve to feed them in it....decided I dont want to put my baby in black not a nice colour if you are into colour therapy for baby to be surrounded by and this colour is neutral So lesson learnt...do not stress over colours go with your gut instinct and dont write blog updates early in the morning when you cant sleep

My baby belly 19.2 weeks

Hey there Well my good friend is doing photography course and wanted to use me as her project but we had to cancel due to rain coming so instead my beautiful hubby decided to take some pics of me around our garden at our house Let me know what you think, I wish my blog was private so I could show my face Im worried that non infertility people might come across my blog

and one of me with my furry baby girl

and another one of my favourites (note, my hubby now thinks he is a professional photographer and was even doing commando rolls to get some photos crack me up

and by the way....I am contemplating putting a picture on facebook but I am yet to tell facebook world about our pregnancy...dont know if I want to yet or ready!!

Our 19 week scan

Yes we are nearly at half way point and definately feels surreal....I love every chance we get to see our baby on the big screen lol...and we committed to our promise of not finding out the sex even though how tempting it was Baby was not co-operating and was quite content for the examination not wanting to move for the sonographer at all...we had take 1 ..then I had to relief bladder to see if we could wake baby up to move...nope take 2 failed....so we had to go away and walk for 15 minutes and have a cold drink of lemonade to get this baby to roll over so she could do further testing...welll yahh take 3 even though only slightly moved...she got what she needed... So this picture is the best 4d profile picture she could get (would not move hand away from face then kept moving hand around the face lol)...this time we got our session on DVD and only printed pictures so I had to scan them...Hubby and I from the face bone structure already sat down and worked out what facial features baby takes after lol....Hubby is so cute and was so excited when we sat down and analysed the facial features What we believe it has hubby's eyes and high cheek bones...nose we cant tell as not defined enough ...but my lips and chin...but thats with no fat on the face...so of course baby will change when born but it is still fun to analyse... We got the sonographer to write down sex on piece of paper and seal in envelope...and whilst we on way home and out at dinner...hubby kept saying I want to look and deep down I m like I dont want you to know as I dont want to know and it will change the pregnancy forever and no going back if find out...So we shredded the envelope when we got home so no temptation for hubby...I was ok I would not look at it at all but couldnt trust hubby and he said he couldnt trust himself lol..so Team Green it is!!!! So off this weekend to put my furniture on order....and go pram shopping again but this time with Mum...we have so many choices out there for options....it is fun but also overwhelming but we will get there in the end... In between...I did have a moment in the ultrasound place as this was last place I went to prior to getting diagnosed with endo and when I had to see my missed miscarriage on the big screen..I had this flashback for 2 minutes as I dont know why but I sat in the same bloody chair and place when I went there for reconfirmation of my prior miscarriage...so I had a little cry then went to myself STOP it shake it off..and moved seats...as I wanted to remember today as a new memory and an exciting time for us ahead...I looked at the hospital and said I will now have a new beautiful memory of this place...I never had any of my ultrasounds at this place for IVF...but now Iwill have memories of my pregnancy #2 with having a baby!!!!

Crazy planning

Now most of the time I am an organised person and perfectionist but over the last 12 months or so...I have tried to let go ...obviously still like planning but I cant control every outcome...all I can do is do my best and things will work out Since January this year, hubby and I have been planning and organising a new entertainment area...alfresco dining..sunken eating area....yes we had started this journey since january this year...and guess what...we are still at designing stage ...lol ..I think we have decided now what we want...note, we thought originally we could afford a pool and new entertainment area but who would think an outdoor entertaining area would cost so much...so anyways we are leaving provision for the much future ie 5 years time or so to put pool in but we still want entertainment area... Now its choosing a builder...designing takes time and over this process I have trusted many professionals with the task at hand but man the new builder and designer had this job since June and we are still going...so looks like my goal of having it done by xmas (I thought 12 months was good expectation of having it done by) that it will not... Anyways there are worse things in the world and I am not letting it get us down...we have far more better things to focus on ie baby to come and all the costs associated Anyways I was hoping we could have my hubbys 40th next year in January (note, I will be 8 months pregnant) at home and my baby shower (which will be in mid January)...well well after last weeks meeting with builder...I have decided to not stress myself out about it and have decided to not put unnecessary pressure on thinking the entertainment area will get done by xmas...so I have been looking at holding hubbys 40th at a restaurant. with air conditioning...but the issue is can we ask people to pay in lieu of gift? I have done this before for my 30th and for my mums 60th, nannas 90th and with baby coming along another $1500 - $2000 for his bday will be stretching budget....or can we pay for meals and get people to buy own drinks at bar (as there are separate bars at both restaurants people can get served at) The hard thing is we want to invite all the people on the list but if we have to pay we may need to cull it and is it really fair for people not being able to come because we dont want to pay but if we get them to pay the numbers are unlimited....and by the way out of approx 65 people there are 15 kids.... Also my baby shower courtesy of my mother in law she said we can have it there since she has space, air conditioned room and a tiled garage floor all which we can use for a hot summers day in January..Im so greatful she will let us have it there...mums house not big enough in air conditioning to fit us or my sisters so mother in law it will be I also bought a month ago on line a catering voucher for canapes for $350 for $1200 worth of food for 40 people so me thinking I can use this for the baby shower .... In between I still have everything else to plan for buying baby things, trying to get all my clients work done by xmas and prepare for an audit of my business... Now I know I will get there and letting the wheels of motion move everything along at same time..... but one thing I have decided is then entertainment area outside we can use it for babys christening...now there is a plan!!!!! PS in relation to pregnancy status ..we go for our 19 week scan this week...and Im so excited...I really dont want to find out what it is but it will be so tempting in the moment to ask....how do you get around that one?

Fathers Day to be

(I apologise in advance for no paragraphs even though I typed in paragraphs it wont post this way!!) Fathers Day and Mothers Day when they appear every year...its just another reminder to those trying to conceive for something they so long and desire to be parents and feeling isolated and left out... I definately and clearly still know what that feels like but this Fathers Day was one that we could finally feel like we are moving along....well so what our baby is not born yet...so what if your a parent to an angel or so what if your a parent to the furry kind...I feel we should celebrate all of these type of parents on these special days.... Well this Fathers Day we could finally feel like we could take that next step in celebrating this day...I chose to buy my husband a card and make him breakfast in bed (however he chose to get out and not wanting to eat breakfast) but I did end up making him nice morning tea sandwich... It was a weird feeling to know we are nearly half way through the pregnancy (well 16 weeks tomorrow) but I still wanted to share and enjoy the day with my husband So I got my mum to take a photo of us together with baby belly as this would be a once in a life time moment we would ever get to do this I also decided that I am not plastering my pregnancy announcement on facebook...this pregnancy and my journey TTC was not something I want to publicise to the world and have told people in variety of ways and still enjoying telling others especially my clients as I see them or people not so close to me....who knows I may at 20 weeks put something on facebook but I am not ready yet...after all the pain and trauma we have gone through to get here I dont feel its appropriate to brag to the world!! However, many friends and family have been so supportive of our news and excited and I have already been receiving gifts of congratulations...many people are so excited as they know we have been trying for a loong time! So here is hoping everyone had a happy Fathers Day on Sunday

Book Giveaway - The Infertility Handbook

As most of my followers know, I recently got my Big Fat Positive after undertaking my first ICSI. Prior to undertaking IVF course, I won this book from one of the blogs I follow, A Field of Dreams and am proud to say upon receiving this book and use of it for a couple of weeks due to myself being succesful with IVF....I now no longer want to hold onto the book as I want to share the good luck charm from this book but i had to wait until I reached Trimester 2!!

No way at all do I consider myself fertile..Hello I conceived via IVF and am definately still classified as an infertile but I dont want to be selfish and want to spread that baby dust where I can

So if you would like to win such book

respond below and i will draw it within one week and arrange for it to be posted to you...

Pregnancy update - Photos of baby and my bump

Well after the controversial NT scan....I went ahead with it....I already had the blood test and was so looking forward to it even though I knew it would not change my mind the results about keeping the baby..but the scan was excellent..it was great as since we already had one two days ago we knew everything was going to be ok...so we could relax more at this scan...

and when the lady said our risk factor was low, pregnancy appears normal there was some relief as well as there was a girl in one of rooms waiting for her amnio who obviously had high risk...I could feel her pain of not knowing and risk of possibly losing the pregnancy and our scan was running late due to her amnio...I was ok with it...I have been there in the ultrasound place before surrounded by pregnant women when I knew I was having an ultrasound to confirm my baby had no heart beat (first pregnancy 2 years ago) and remember how it felt...I remember just crying with my mum at that ultrasound..looking at that screen I was meant to see something alive...and I asked the sonographer to turn off my screen...SO IT WAS EVER SO EXCITING THIS TIME I GOT TO SIT THERE AND WATCH MY BABY KICK AROUND AND HEART BEATING!!!

All close family and friends now know of our news...the most precious was sharing news with my nanna on her 90th birthday....I showed her the baby ultrasound...she couldnt see (hard vision) and I said its a baby...then we both just cried together!!!

My aunty was also standing by and she cried too...

I have not told the world we did IVF but I did say in the sms message to my friends that we have received our blessing of a miracle to become parents..Im not ready emotionally to share the pain of our IVF journey but I am not r letting people think it was easy for us either...most people get it anyways without us saying anything since we have been married for so long...but I like to add that miracle ....maybe at later point in time I can tell others

I had trouble with one of our good friends wanting to tell some people who live in our local community but since I used to run a business in it....I was centre of gossip when business sold that I was pregnant Im not ready for them to know yet...I will make them wait a week but this friend could not understand why I wanted to wait...she got annoyed that I kept changing my mind when she can tell the world...its my news I can change my mind however I like..I told her Im not ready for their gossip and one week is one week what does it matter..I just want to enjoy the news for a week with my close friends and family....

anyways so nearly in Trimester 2 so lets share my photos of joy for all of you

Also over next couple of days..I will announce my win a book competition for my followers...I won this book from one of blogs I follow..Field of Dreams and feel it helped me get my BFP and I want to spread that luck to someone else..not that I think I am fertile now that I am pregnant but feel that since I have now got my BFP someone else suffering like I did trying to get pregnant can benefit from this book

Blogger Award Response

Athena from Field of Dreams..what a sweetie and legend...thank you for nominating my blog for

Thats really sweet and I totally agree with her post about connection over cyberspace with some really special ladies and our journey with infertility....when at times you feel so alone your not in the world of internet and what would we do without it?? Love the 7 things revealed about yourself...Im glad I dont catch the train lol

So after being nominated, we need to tell 7 things about ourselves then nominate 7 followers so here goes:-

1. I love hotted up cars, come from car fanatic family and have a bit of led foot (settled down in my older years now since Im a mature woman)..When I was younger we used to drive around in my friends red mx5 convertible to the city, bondi beach run and through kings cross as we both loved to drive all night..and maybe picked up some guys on occasions :p
2. I have always had a weak bladder (remember pelvic floor... lift) and remember once I was so busting to go to the toilet during cross country race at school I just wet my pants (was competing for first)...no one notice thank god otherwise I would have been teased for rest of my high school years
3. I travelled overseas when I was 20 on Contiki tour and guess what...I had a boyfriend living in Amsterdam (left Australia to live there) so I promised to be loyal to him living in Amsterdam whilst Im holidaying in Europe on Contiki tour with some cute guys...and never cheated once...I did get to see my boyfriend after the tour for four days and it was our last sight of each other before the break up (very very traumatic tears everywhere at the time thought the world was going to end)
4. Got caught doing the do in my bedroom at home with boyfriend above by mum (very embarrassing) and the BF was in a gstring...it was a unspoken moment with my parents lol. Lesson learnt...with my husband now never to do it in the same house as parents when home.
5. One of my sisters is my best friend...we are so similar...we even get told we finish each others sentences off...we are so closely related and even share endometriosis together
6. I love staying in 5 star resorts and hotels whilst holidaying (not that we did when I was a child caravan parks were the best) but now with one income and my small income with baby to be...I think we may need to resort to those holidays at caravan parks but hang on those Big 4 caravan parks rock now!
7. The first grandchild of my family and child to go to Year 12 then university...

and the 7 blogs that I love following and have helped me on my journey are as follows:-

1. My path to insanity & Beyond
2. A year on..Our New Beginning...
3. Love and other drugs
4. Baby where are you
5. InfertiliTEE
6. Who said 3 is a Crowd?
7. Longing for lullabies

All these women have inspired me and have helped support me through my journey...there are of course more but these ones are predominant and Athena I thought since you nominated me how could I nominate back so I shared it with some other ladies...I wish all these ladies if there dream has not come true yet that it will as you all are amazing women who are kind to help others out there in need...