After a wonderful long easter weekend away with family and not much time to focus on my journey of infertility, it felt great to not think about and not to worry about it..apart from my hot flushes interrupting me every so often from my temporary menopausal drugs and a stranger telling me 'I am still young' not to have children....
Anyways I had my final appointment with FS for my temporary menopausal drugs today and to discuss the commencement of my first cycle of IVF...I know its the path we have to go on but Im not sure why I have this feeling of despair
Im ok and understand that yes I have a low ovarian reserve but it only takes one egg to fertilize and my body is a great incubator no problems there so far..Im ok that I need FSH for ovarian stimulation and my HSG to realise my egg...but I really want it work first go...Its ok if we need to do it a second time but what happens to my cycle in between? I really cant have a natural cycle to allow endometriosis to come back or cysts...thats why we just suppressed them for 3 months..but why am I worrying?
My FS is going away for two - three weeks in June so this will be after my egg collection so that is ok but why do I feel this way? Is it not knowing that if I need my FS over this time afterwards I cannot see him/get in contact with him..Im sure they have locums to help in between ..but its the uncertainty of not knowing....
Anyways how many times have I been told to not worry about tomorrow or yesterday but live for today...it will be what it will be...I am in good hands and let what will happen happen...so yes there is light at the end of the tunnel which ever way the tunnel decides to go....that is I will have a successful IVF cycle or not, fertilized egg or not. spare embys or not or if not I will endure a second round of IVF..whatever it be will be...but all I know is I need to stay positive and to not worry
I will now focus on the great holiday to Fiji with my dear hubby for a week hopefully our last solo trip overseas as a couple
Let there be love light and fertilized eggs
I keep telling myself Que sera sera - whatever will be, will be. Enjoy your trip to Fiji!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your Fiji trip! Sounds like its come at the perfect time. Worrying is normal, and Ive learnt not to fight what comes natural. If we suppress our feeling, then we might be doing more harm, to our already mental minds.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your support. I gave you an award "Stylish Blogger".
Wow, have a lovely time in Fiji- i hope it's your last one for a while!
ReplyDeleteYou will be okay- your a strong woman x