22 weeks ....can it really be?

Every day and every week and every milestone of this pregnancy is so memorable...I appreciate every minute and every second of it no matter the highs and lows...I love being pregnant and as us infertily women know how difficult it is to get to this part of being pregnant...how could you not appreciate and thank the universe and god (as however we all see him) for giving me this gift... Im an emotional personal when not pregnant but being pregnant oh boy does it make you even more sensitive....I can cry at the drop of a pin..then laugh 5 minutes later... I love that I now can feel my baby live inside me with its beautiful kicking and punching...and even hubby has had a chance to feel...its those little things that remind me everything is ok I have one of the most adorable nephews who is 9 years old and who wants to follow my pregnancy week by week...he is an only child ( but in between I am wishing for him and praying he gets a brother/sister)..I have to email/sms him to tell him what size of fruit is baby this week? how adorable is that? He even tells his friends and neighbours that he is so excited about me having this child...He is one special boy not that my other nephews and niece are not...but he has a special gift (a grown man living inside a child's body I say).. Its having people like that around you when your pregnant that appreciate your pregnancy as much as you do that make it that so much more special PS in between, facebook announcement went well..I feel good now that it is out ..there were still some people who I thought would comment on my photo and picture ie I put a picture of me I posted prior on this blog with 21 down 19 to go written.... UPDATED Today I had a wedding which was a beautiful wedding in fact in beautiful location..however I had to see one of my relatives who is pregnant as same time asme (she is due 11 days before me!!!) for her 5th pregnancy!!!!! and she is only 1 year younger then me...and nothing is wrong with big family but something is wrong when she is not allowed to have in her care any of her children and has a mental disorder from drugs.....so this pregnancy is not a welcomed one... I found it real difficult to face her as I celebrate our pregnancy with my family ....I could see she was jealous but I did not care...I could not be mean but I actually feel sorry for her....that she feels the need to have more kids...and you know what her reason was to keep her company...to me its so much more then that but then we are all different...it was hard to face especially when I wish it was my sister pregnant with me instead of this relative....but thats not the universes plan...and I bless this baby as my relative continued to drink and smoke today whilst pregnant !!! My husband even said you were stand offish to her and I know I was because how can you compare anything in our lives..how can you compare the pain and grief I have had to get this child when it has come so easily to her ..I could not give her the joy that I am having for myself...I did say congratulations because she said it to me and Im not a total bitch but all I can say is our parenting skills will also be nothing to compare I wish her all the best for this pregnany and the safe arrival of her baby and that it endures a fulfilling life because this baby aint gonna have it easy at all.. but the classic was when this relative said to me have you had a boob job? Im like what the F****? Umm its from the pregnancy I have big boobs because Im pregnant like this is your 5th time..should you know that?? Bless her bless her is all I can say....

Can Facebook handle the news?

Thank to you all my supporters and dealing with my momentarily crazy rants... Well push come to shove and a friend had written something on my facebook wall re my belly getting bigger.... and to not offend anyone else who are friends of mine in past from either work or school who do not know the news.... I thought this has to be the opportunity now...I cant keep it hidden.... I cant lie that I dont have any news so I spreaded the word My hubby didnt want me to announce it on facebook as he wanted to keep it private but why cant I celebrate with the world...The timing is perfect I wasnt ready to rush to tell facebook at 12 weeks...facebook didnt deserve to know but I privately sent messages to those close to me of the news....as I felt comfortable at that time...and in between the joy of telling people you know in person is so much better then facebook so I had to allow time for that too... I was overwhelmed with emotions each step of this pregnancy and this pregnancy deserved the respect I wanted for it....the whole world did not have to be plastered the news at 12 weeks....I was not going to be the typical facebook pregnancy announcement..thats not me (not to say any of you who did shouldnt of....this is just how I felt) but with me getting bigger and photos taken couple of weeks ago and passing 20 weeks I think Ive left it long enough...so I did Hope you are all proud of me....Overwhelming of emotions as I did it this morning....as its obviously been a struggle for us..but facebook dont need to know that...all they need to know is Im happy and pregnant and enjoying every day and every moment of it Love to you all

Colour choices for Prams..help

Oh my goodness who would think this post would be about choosing pram colours I finally decided on the pram I love and we only have limited colours to choose from...and I quickly rushed and ordered it the other day (second time viewing) as sale was on and wanted to get it at the great price...however I am now regretting colour choice possibly Here is colour I chose (its called diamond white but more bone/silvery cream colour)...I got this in the bassinnette option too...the only other colour Ilike is the boring conventional black (it also comes in red and purple but I dont like red and hubby doesnt like purple) Possibly thinking leave bassinette in the white colour but change pram seat to black...but am worried about black fading but also concerned about how easy to clean the lighter colour If keeping the lighter colour clean was not an issue I would choose that over the black BUT what do I do?? With this pram I also get a second seat thrown in for free in the package which i wanted to match same colour so possibly black too? Or would it be good to have one in black and one in diamond white so when white gets too dirty swap to black? I know this is most likely the silliest of questions and Im obsessing over pram colour choices but with huge $$ spent on this baby jogger city select I want to make the right purchase/ Any other potential mothers or mothers have an opinion in which choice of colour? UPDATER After not being able to sleep for 2 hours and some more sleep and talking to my dearest mum...I have decided to stick to the colour I love...have read from other forums ladies with same colour and said its easy to wash and you can use seat liners if you ahve to feed them in it....decided I dont want to put my baby in black not a nice colour if you are into colour therapy for baby to be surrounded by and this colour is neutral So lesson learnt...do not stress over colours go with your gut instinct and dont write blog updates early in the morning when you cant sleep

My baby belly 19.2 weeks

Hey there Well my good friend is doing photography course and wanted to use me as her project but we had to cancel due to rain coming so instead my beautiful hubby decided to take some pics of me around our garden at our house Let me know what you think, I wish my blog was private so I could show my face Im worried that non infertility people might come across my blog

and one of me with my furry baby girl

and another one of my favourites (note, my hubby now thinks he is a professional photographer and was even doing commando rolls to get some photos crack me up

and by the way....I am contemplating putting a picture on facebook but I am yet to tell facebook world about our pregnancy...dont know if I want to yet or ready!!

Our 19 week scan

Yes we are nearly at half way point and definately feels surreal....I love every chance we get to see our baby on the big screen lol...and we committed to our promise of not finding out the sex even though how tempting it was Baby was not co-operating and was quite content for the examination not wanting to move for the sonographer at all...we had take 1 ..then I had to relief bladder to see if we could wake baby up to move...nope take 2 failed....so we had to go away and walk for 15 minutes and have a cold drink of lemonade to get this baby to roll over so she could do further testing...welll yahh take 3 even though only slightly moved...she got what she needed... So this picture is the best 4d profile picture she could get (would not move hand away from face then kept moving hand around the face lol)...this time we got our session on DVD and only printed pictures so I had to scan them...Hubby and I from the face bone structure already sat down and worked out what facial features baby takes after lol....Hubby is so cute and was so excited when we sat down and analysed the facial features What we believe it has hubby's eyes and high cheek bones...nose we cant tell as not defined enough ...but my lips and chin...but thats with no fat on the face...so of course baby will change when born but it is still fun to analyse... We got the sonographer to write down sex on piece of paper and seal in envelope...and whilst we on way home and out at dinner...hubby kept saying I want to look and deep down I m like I dont want you to know as I dont want to know and it will change the pregnancy forever and no going back if find out...So we shredded the envelope when we got home so no temptation for hubby...I was ok I would not look at it at all but couldnt trust hubby and he said he couldnt trust himself lol..so Team Green it is!!!! So off this weekend to put my furniture on order....and go pram shopping again but this time with Mum...we have so many choices out there for options....it is fun but also overwhelming but we will get there in the end... In between...I did have a moment in the ultrasound place as this was last place I went to prior to getting diagnosed with endo and when I had to see my missed miscarriage on the big screen..I had this flashback for 2 minutes as I dont know why but I sat in the same bloody chair and place when I went there for reconfirmation of my prior miscarriage...so I had a little cry then went to myself STOP it shake it off..and moved seats...as I wanted to remember today as a new memory and an exciting time for us ahead...I looked at the hospital and said I will now have a new beautiful memory of this place...I never had any of my ultrasounds at this place for IVF...but now Iwill have memories of my pregnancy #2 with having a baby!!!!

Crazy planning

Now most of the time I am an organised person and perfectionist but over the last 12 months or so...I have tried to let go ...obviously still like planning but I cant control every outcome...all I can do is do my best and things will work out Since January this year, hubby and I have been planning and organising a new entertainment area...alfresco dining..sunken eating area....yes we had started this journey since january this year...and guess what...we are still at designing stage ...lol ..I think we have decided now what we want...note, we thought originally we could afford a pool and new entertainment area but who would think an outdoor entertaining area would cost so much...so anyways we are leaving provision for the much future ie 5 years time or so to put pool in but we still want entertainment area... Now its choosing a builder...designing takes time and over this process I have trusted many professionals with the task at hand but man the new builder and designer had this job since June and we are still going...so looks like my goal of having it done by xmas (I thought 12 months was good expectation of having it done by) that it will not... Anyways there are worse things in the world and I am not letting it get us down...we have far more better things to focus on ie baby to come and all the costs associated Anyways I was hoping we could have my hubbys 40th next year in January (note, I will be 8 months pregnant) at home and my baby shower (which will be in mid January)...well well after last weeks meeting with builder...I have decided to not stress myself out about it and have decided to not put unnecessary pressure on thinking the entertainment area will get done by xmas...so I have been looking at holding hubbys 40th at a restaurant. with air conditioning...but the issue is can we ask people to pay in lieu of gift? I have done this before for my 30th and for my mums 60th, nannas 90th and with baby coming along another $1500 - $2000 for his bday will be stretching budget....or can we pay for meals and get people to buy own drinks at bar (as there are separate bars at both restaurants people can get served at) The hard thing is we want to invite all the people on the list but if we have to pay we may need to cull it and is it really fair for people not being able to come because we dont want to pay but if we get them to pay the numbers are unlimited....and by the way out of approx 65 people there are 15 kids.... Also my baby shower courtesy of my mother in law she said we can have it there since she has space, air conditioned room and a tiled garage floor all which we can use for a hot summers day in January..Im so greatful she will let us have it there...mums house not big enough in air conditioning to fit us or my sisters so mother in law it will be I also bought a month ago on line a catering voucher for canapes for $350 for $1200 worth of food for 40 people so me thinking I can use this for the baby shower .... In between I still have everything else to plan for buying baby things, trying to get all my clients work done by xmas and prepare for an audit of my business... Now I know I will get there and letting the wheels of motion move everything along at same time..... but one thing I have decided is then entertainment area outside we can use it for babys christening...now there is a plan!!!!! PS in relation to pregnancy status ..we go for our 19 week scan this week...and Im so excited...I really dont want to find out what it is but it will be so tempting in the moment to ask....how do you get around that one?

Fathers Day to be

(I apologise in advance for no paragraphs even though I typed in paragraphs it wont post this way!!) Fathers Day and Mothers Day when they appear every year...its just another reminder to those trying to conceive for something they so long and desire to be parents and feeling isolated and left out... I definately and clearly still know what that feels like but this Fathers Day was one that we could finally feel like we are moving along....well so what our baby is not born yet...so what if your a parent to an angel or so what if your a parent to the furry kind...I feel we should celebrate all of these type of parents on these special days.... Well this Fathers Day we could finally feel like we could take that next step in celebrating this day...I chose to buy my husband a card and make him breakfast in bed (however he chose to get out and not wanting to eat breakfast) but I did end up making him nice morning tea sandwich... It was a weird feeling to know we are nearly half way through the pregnancy (well 16 weeks tomorrow) but I still wanted to share and enjoy the day with my husband So I got my mum to take a photo of us together with baby belly as this would be a once in a life time moment we would ever get to do this I also decided that I am not plastering my pregnancy announcement on facebook...this pregnancy and my journey TTC was not something I want to publicise to the world and have told people in variety of ways and still enjoying telling others especially my clients as I see them or people not so close to me....who knows I may at 20 weeks put something on facebook but I am not ready yet...after all the pain and trauma we have gone through to get here I dont feel its appropriate to brag to the world!! However, many friends and family have been so supportive of our news and excited and I have already been receiving gifts of congratulations...many people are so excited as they know we have been trying for a loong time! So here is hoping everyone had a happy Fathers Day on Sunday