Melancholy Monday

Oh Im sorry for the deep dark post from Friday....I was so scared...I was so hormonal and so stressed trying not to stress out...its so funny how we become so obsessed without even knowing ...Dear Hubby and I are on great terms now after that bout....I said nothing will get us down or beat us this infertility...we are strong enough and we will get through this whatever results on Friday...

Its amazing how we tend to forget about our husbands when we are so obsessed with ourselves since we are the incubator....Anyways it will be what it will be and as soon as I stopped stressing..all my symptoms came back...

Still suffering bloatedness, sore back, and occasional twinges but twice already this week 2 days apart I woke up with AF type pain severe cramping then it dissapeared and no blood...hmmm interesting I do hope its implantation and my beautiful emby is burrowing nicely...

I love life and what joy this infertility has brought me...my wonderful friends via cyberspace....wonderful relationship with my mum, sister and husband...and Im continually attracting good things in my life...

Im having a massage tomorrow as in dire need of one and I googled this lady in my local area as I could not get into my normal massage lady and its funny how the universe works..this lady I have not even met her and she seems like a beautiful person..her chosen words in her texts show warmth and love and passion so the perfect person to get a massage from then I find out she had to move my appointment due to her going through IVF..what the ??? Now I definately cant wait to meet this lady and share stories...to share stories face to face with another person going through IVF is just another relationship that will be formed due to my infertility journey and I dont have to feel inadequate getting a massage from someone who may not understand my situation...Oh bring me more!!!

Then I got my hair cut today and they were running late and I said thats ok I have a thing called 'patience' and sat down. I sat down next to an elderly lady with a beautiful soft voice so caring and kind...then I find out she was a nun with her friend who was also a nun...no wonder I was attracted to them ...nuns have positive outlook in life and not that I am a strict religious person but I love being surrounded by people who have faith no matter what your problems are and thats what IF is about....to have faith that life will be ok...we will get what we want...this journey only makes us stronger...

I have faith if its not this time...it will be next time...but am praying that this will be our time....we deserve it after all...but I know if its not everything will be ok...of course I would be sad but thats part of journey but I will know how to pick myself up and focus on the good in my life because isnt that whats its all about...learning and continually evolving