Selflessness is ok to get what you want!

Yesterday was a struggle as it was our first family get together/public display since we got our BFP even though the secret has not been revealed yet.

It was my nephew (sister in law and brother in law) first birthday.

I struggled in that when I got there I was suffering bad bloating my stomach blew up and I looked 4 months pregnant..how the hell was I going to try to hide it...hmmm a scarf to distract attention from it and to stay seated the whole time in one place lol apart from that it was very painful as well..

My mother in law and father in law were there and obviously they know..they were full of congratulations for us and excited to have another grandchild on the way. Even though my other sister in law (which is mother in law daughter) just gave birth 4 weeks ago to a beautiful boy my in laws obviously love to see their family grow.

It was so wonderful to be able to hold my new nephew again...he is so adorable and my Sister in law didnt have trouble conceiving but did have a miscarriage last year so they deserve this happiness as we do!!!

Its funny though as soon as new born arrives in the room he is swamped with attention its wonderful..I always sit back at first and instead of trying to fight the women off to get a hold of the baby wait patiently for my turn..

Why do women do that? Why do they become obsessed and find the need to push everyone else out of the way to get to hold him first.

I dont fall victim to those silly games. I sit back and when the time was right I sat next to the mother (arms empty of baby) and talked to her...then my dearest mother in law got her grandson baby back and brought him over to me....Awwww thats nice...I did not even have to ask..so yes I got a cuddle..if I did not get a cuddle it would not be end of the world but it came to me so it was ok...

Then after all that when we were leaving my other self centred sister in law (mother of 1 year old bday boy..confused yet?) has to pipe up and tell my husband and I we must come over to see her boys so they get to know their uncle and aunty..she always says it like we have all the time in the world and that we dont care...I hate being made feel guilty..for my whole life until last couple of years...I gave gave gave to everyone bloody else and forgot about me ..it was not until this TTC journey became difficult I realised I was giving away all my good energy to everyone else and not keeping it for myself...We do see the boys every 2 - 3 months but they live over an hour away its not easy to get to plus if she only knew what the last 6 months of my life have been like..I have been really selfish and that when I need to rest I do...yes the world lives on and yes people grow and change but its not like I dont see them at all..

I will need to tell her what we have been through but you think she would have a pretty good idea we want a family and especially since she knows we had a miscarriage 2 years ago like hello..we still have no baby in arms yet but this dream is only 35 weeks away ..but this other sister in law is so so selfish and the whole world evolves around her and her family and thats ok but I dont have energy to be subject to that right now...I didnt have it last 6 months and I still dont have it...I love my nephews but at detriment of our own family I cant....so she will have to get use to visits 2 - 3 months at family gatherings as I cant stand to be alone with her