Tantalising Two Week Wait

Who would have thought that a week has not even gone past yet and you think this waiting time is driving me nuts?

Well gee you think you would be patient waiting the two weeks after trying for 3 and half years TTC that two weeks is nothing as in relation to time but its not isnt it?

I mean I had this Day 2 perfectly looking emby transferred in my uterus brilliantly shining...I have been stuffing my vag with crinone cream morning and night to keep the new home for my emby perfect to nest in..you would think I am not worrying..Im not worrying not at all. Curious to know whats going on inside...I mean for once I know that I am pregnant until proven otherwise..all that guess work each month not knowing when BDing naturally Im so over trying naturally so at least I know its out of my control and all I need to do is relax and that medical science helped my eggs fertilise this time...and about relaxing...I only work part time from home..I walk every day as per doctors orders..I meditate every day...but as every other lady who has tried IVF the TWW is one of the hardest...It is ...my poor brain is confused... I need to act like Im pregnant but Im not officially until I see two lines but I want to be...and a fertilised egg is inside me so I am arent I..wow no wonder the poor brain goes nuts....so I have decided I am pregnant of course I am and of course I want to get a positive reading next Friday 17th June and I dont want to think of what to do next until that day arrives/...Right? Dont worry about the future or the past just focus on the now...So I will focus on the now and that is Im pregnant (PUPO) and will deal with anything else when I am there in the moment..

So why do I find myself up at 500am in the morning? Maybe its not only the TWW but the clash of emotional games added to me yesterday of running into people who were connected to my past the past I left behind so I can move on and stay destressed...I used to own a business in small community and also was part of non profit organisations..Man I used to do so much run a full time business, volunteer my time left right and centre..no wonder my body could never incubate a baby I never made time for me...so what did I do ...I got rid of all my stresses in my life to make time for me...then I have to be faced with people from the past confused to why I sold my business? I was trapped we were in same restauarant...The questions you can tell running through their heads why I left the non profit group and all I can say is time for me....you can tell they want to know more..I tell them its my irritable bowel syndrome and more time with family?? More time with family.? More time to spend making my family thats what they fucken need to know..Do they really want to know I have spent my legs wide open nearly every second day last 3 weeks and last 5 months my vagina regularly looked at so if I told them the truth Im sure they would never ask again but why should I..I mean they care but they dont get it and they dont need to but why do they have to challenge me and why do they have to try to rope me back into that life for when I dont want to and Im to gutless to tell them I cant..as my excuses I come up with arent enough? So they know I dont want to go to weekly meetings but when I get the email to join the online non profit group I told them I will look at it but did not agree to it just to keep them quiet...Im too coward to tell them to their face Im not interested but in a email its so much better

Ahhhh now I feel better so maybe I can go back to bed now its 600am and hopefully have not tired myself out....