My goodness...I know this journey has been terribly difficult until the day of my BFP and you celebrate that day with pure happiness and every day since then focus on growing a healthy baby inside..you think you can continue being happy...I am I really am but there is still a part of me that questions?
I am continuing with all the symptoms of early pregnancy, all day nauseous, tiredness, sore boobs which are all great things as it feels like things are going along fine but it does not stop you questioning will everything be ok? Will we find a heart beat? Of course I want to be optimistic and think well I have been in those shoes before go to my scan and no heart beat so it cant happen again it cant!!
But man this 4 week wait since I found out at 4 weeks is driving me bloodynuts...I cant tell the world yet just in case however I feel like crap every day so having a reason for feeling sick all the time would be nice to share and then there are the pregnancy rumours already going around about me that I am pregnant in my local community which I chose to ignore but please cant people leave me alone!!! Cant they stop being sticky beaks
and you know you suffer from infertility and miscarriages when you finally get your BFP every time you go to the toilet without habit always checking my panty liners for blood for any signs but so far so good...that you stay optimistic but fear of no heart beat at your viability scan...bad luck cant happen twice cant it..I have already been dealt that card..
that you get excited when you have pregnancy symptoms as with no symptoms you question whether everything is ok? even though many women go have successful pregnancies without symtpoms....
so its terrible that this time round Im not so innocent because of my history but that only makes us and me stronger and wiser and to not forget where we came from because for me I will never forget my journey of TTC and my infertility as I have not crossed to the otherwise I am still infertile but am luckily and proudly got my BFP from IVF now I just need to keep it..I will never feel like that I belong in same group as women who are fertile and will find it hard to connect to other mothers to be who have not endured the painful journey us infertiles have..I know thats wrong but its how I feel...
So with just over 2.5 weeks now until my viability scan I need to continue to maintain my sanity
when is your scan? Im looking forward to mine on 12 July (8 weeks), I still have no nausea yet.
ReplyDeleteWow I could have written that post myself!! It's exactly how I've felt!
ReplyDeleteGlad to have found your blog. First, congrats on the BFP - that is wonderful. I think its very natural for you to feel this way considering you've been through the IF wringer which I am just beginning. I can only imagine if - no - WHEN - I get my BFP that I will feel very similarly. Take care of yourself. Breathe. I look very forward to getting to know you & hearing wonderful news from you!
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies...my scan is on 20th July I will be just under 9 weeks 8 weeks and 5 days
ReplyDeleteThat's what IF does to us....when/if we finally do get pregnant, we can't enjoy it like other normal women because we keep waiting for the other show to drop! Hang in there, it sounds like all is going well! :)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, suffering from IF, you are exposed to so many sad and heartwrenching stories, that we are not the blissfully ignorant pregnant women of the world.
ReplyDeleteWith your preg symptoms, it all sounds perfectly normal. With my last mc, I had symptoms and then they disappeared. Trust your own instincts, and you will feel within yourself if this is going to be fine.
I think you are going to see one hell of a strong heartbeat come your 1st scan.. xo
And yes, thank heavens for Offspring, I saw your comment on Chons blog. Im so glad they are showing what it is really like to experience a mc and how it affects people.
Good luck with your scan and please try to enjoy this PG. I know I know as if. Will be thinking of you and pray it's a strong boom boom boom heartbeat!
ReplyDeleteYes I am going to focus on the good ladies I will.... I bloody will and if it wasnt for you guys you would not help me pick myself up....I trust my instincts I do but can everything be so smooth sailing I mean after my first pregnancy of course it wasnt but after suffering infertility Im sure the universe has granted me one successful smooth sailing pregnancy...well like Tee and rest of ladies said focus on the good and everything will be fine..even my Archangel Raphael cards drawn was"Acceptance" acceptance and thankful for everything is going according to plan
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you all ladies